Sometimes a pain on the surface turns out to be caused by a deeper trauma underneath. I’d like to share one of those stories, where what started as a relatively minor issue for a young family masked a hidden problem that was far more serious.
The First Warning Signs
It began with Lifeline’s youth-initiative, where we regularly go to schools to talk with parents. One of most common concerns we hear is their kids are always on their devices. We were
recently approached by a father of two, who was concerned his 11-year-old son was spending too much time in front of a screen. He asked if his son could speak to one of our Youth Counsellors.
During the first session with the son, it didn’t take our Counsellor long to discover that the excessive screen time was his way of escaping from a darker problem: His mother was an alcoholic. Alcohol addiction had turned the family home into a tense, toxic battle zone. Over time, the young son had taken on the role of shielding his father and sister while navigating the volatile moods of his mother. This 11-year-old boy had been forced into the role of the ‘parent’, trying his best to hold his family together. His device became his way to recede from his family burden.
Extending Our Support
A second Youth Counsellor then reached out to the young daughter, who had also retreated into excessive screen use. Like her brother, she had taken on the role of parent to her mother and father. This poor 13-year-old girl was overwhelmed, managing the tension at home, while trying to keep her family’s dysfunction a secret from the outside world. She was especially protective of her father, who had given up trying to help his wife and was spending his days walking on eggshells. What the daughter wanted and needed most of all was for her father to stand up to her mother.
With two Youth Counsellors already helping the teens, we approached the father, who agreed to see one of our Family Counsellors. The Counsellor worked with the dad, helping him learn the dynamics of dealing with an alcoholic spouse. He also began seeing our Parent Coach to help him relearn how to parent his children.
Help and Hope For the Entire Family
The son, daughter, and father were each meeting different Lifeline Counsellors. However, even though the rest of her family was receiving help, the mother had still not taken any steps towards addressing her addiction.
Until yesterday, when she called!
I’m immensely grateful that the members of this family trusted us enough to open up about an addiction that been hanging over them for years. And I’m thankful we had the resources to help them heal!
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