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My kid found me looking at porn

Thursday, 28 February, 2019 - 10:11 am

 MY KID FOUND ME LOOKING AT PORN .png

It wasn't a problem to stop. I stopped hundreds of times.

It was staying stopped.

Some of you readers may struggle with an addiction to pornography. If you're like me, you can't help it. You need that rush.

Please, PLEASE seek help. Your wife will somehow find out. Your KIDS may find out.

Mine did. Here's what happened.

I was introduced to porn at a young age. Some people can look at porn and move on. But I got hooked. I needed porn.

For 20 years I struggled with porn, and it affected every relationship I had, especially romantic ones. No one could ever measure up.

I got married without my wife ever knowing about my porn addiction. I wouldn't admit it at the time, but despite having an amazing spouse, I felt incredibly lonely. I lied to her every day.

Smartphones made it even worse. Porn is so easily accessible.

I swore it off so many times. I made so many broken promises to myself. But it took one moment to change everything.

I arrived home for lunch. My wife was at work, and our home computer is located in my office. I had no idea my 14-year-old son had returned home from school because he was feeling ill.

I was watching a video... I can feel my face heat up in shame as I write this. I am literally shaking from embarrassment.

I was watching a video when my son walked into the room to ask me something.

It happened so fast. There was no time to shut off the screen. He said, "ewww, Dad!!" and ran out.

The next few days was the worst time in my life. My wife accosted me about my behaviour. I tried to lie my way out of it. It took a couple of days for me to admit that I had been hiding my addiction from her from day one.

To her credit, she stuck with me and I am grateful every day for that. She found Chabad Lifeline before I did, and started getting help.

I had always been lonely, but I had kept up a facade. Now, I had nothing to hide behind. My son avoided me and my wife didn't trust me.

I finally admitted that I had a problem and sought help from Chabad Lifeline. Thanks to Jennifer and Karen, I have been progressing. We're now working on getting our son to come to Lifeline.

Please, if you suffer in secret from a porn addiction, PLEASE reach out to Chabad Lifeline. You will get real help, and everything will be completely confidential. You will stop feeling alone.

Do it before your spouse finds out. Do it before your children find out. Most of all do it for yourself.

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