Printed from ChabadLifeline.com

Jordan's story

Wednesday, 26 June, 2019 - 11:45 am

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When I was a kid, I loved playing hockey. I was quick on my skates, had an accurate shot, and hustled every shift. I wasn't the best player on my team, but I was a top-line winger.

Until it all fell apart.

I was 12, entering a new season and things felt off. My shot kept missing the net, my pass receiving was weak, and I regularly found myself just out of position.

I couldn't figure out what had happened and I started making changes. I got a different stick, wore different equipment, even tried a different diet, but I slowly dropped down the roster.

And then one day in class I was asked to read something from the board and the letters were too blurry to read. My teacher asked me if I might need glasses.

That question changed everything. After going to an optometrist, my life got back on track.

Sometimes, one question - the right question, can change a life. And the right question at Lifeline changed mine.

A Lonely Party Animal

I made a mess of myself in my teenage years. Drinking, drugging. I was the life of the party but always lonely.

My drug and alcohol addictions lasted into my early 30s. I made everyone close to me miserable. Ruined one relationship after another, until there was no one left but me.

Alone. As I knew I always was.

But something clicked. At my lowest point, I realized it was the booze and the drugs, and I sought help.

Five years ago, I was brought to a 12 step meeting. I sobered up. I wasn't happy but my life started improving. After 10 months of sobriety, I relapsed hard. I crashed.

One Question that can Change a Life

One month of my life that I barely remember. I lost everything I had rebuilt and soon I was at rock bottom again.

Somehow I dragged myself out of that muck and contacted Chabad Lifeline, an organization I had heard about. To my shock (no one else does this), they scheduled an appointment for an intake that afternoon.

I met with Ruth, who had a lot more questions than what I was used to. But one question stood out.

She asked me if I had a porn or sex addiction.

Oh, the shame.

I had arrived ready to talk about my drug and alcohol abuse but that question stopped me in my tracks. I must have spent a good minute trying to get a hold of myself.

Finally, I opened up. I told Ruth about my porn addiction.

The path to connection

Ruth sent me to Jennifer for an assessment. That's when I found out that my drug of choice is porn. Not alcohol or all the other stuff. 

Somehow, my trauma from the past and my growing pornography use in my teens set the fuse for a full-blown addiction to drugs and alcohol. But none of them dealt with my real problem. My trauma, and my porn addiction.

After much debate, I opened up about my porn addiction to my girlfriend (now my wife). I'm lucky she stayed with me. I joined Jennifer's group and started a new treatment plan.

My girlfriend also came to Lifeline and became a client of Karen, who deals with partners of addicts.

It's been a journey. All four of us have sat together (Jennifer, Karen, my wife and I) numerous times, and traveled to a path of connection and freedom.

And I'm proud to say that I've been sober for three years from all mind-altering substances and behavioural addictions.

Sometimes you need the right people asking the right questions. Thanks to Chabad Lifeline, I am happier and more connected than I've ever been in my life.

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Jordan's story is a common one. Too often, the addiction is treated and not the cause of addiction (or even the primary addiction). At Chabad Lifeline, we are fortunate to have one of Quebec's only Certified Sex Addiction Therapists, Jennifer Kotry

To find out more about porn and sex addiction, click here. If you are concerned about yourself, a partner, or friend who may have a porn or sex addiction, send us an email and we will set up an intake within the next day at no cost.

We have just started our annual raffle, which is our largest and most important fundraiser of the year. If you are able to sell tickets as a canvasser, please send me an email and may G-d bless you with tranquility, contentment, and success.

*Names and certain details in this story were changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.

*Photo used for this story is not Jordan

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